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THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Hear me shouting? I so much agree with this. In our therapeutic preschool and child care we did not tattle on the kids. First of all most little kids don't remember at the end of a day what happened hours ago.
We took in a lot of kids with challenging behaviors. It was our specialty. One time a dad of a three-year-old picked him up and I asked him to come to visit with me in my office. He came in with his hands across his chest. I was telling him some of the sweet things we had discovered about his son. He took his arms down and said, "Wait! You are not kicking him out?" To which I replied, "Why would I do that? We have too much invested in him ."
It seems this kid had been kicked out of every program. We actually had to change the parent's perception of their own kid.
One of the biggest things we did was to offer choices. Most kids with challenging behaviors are not given choices. Almost everything can turn into a choice, i.e. (outside) Do you want to run or hop? (Inside) Do you want to sit here or here?
Instead of telling a kid to hang up their jacket say, say, "Do you want to hang up your jacket or keep it on?I could do an entire workshop on choices. And there is so much more to helping these kids without tattling on them to their parents.
The key here is knowing typical child development ages and stages and understanding that children develop certain skills at certain ages. That being said, children also develop those skills at their own rate. For example, a toddler does not typically develop the skill to share until they are around 4. We can tell them to share but if they are not developmentally ready yet, they will continue to show what most people believe is selfish behavior. It is always wise to provide multiple (identical) toys in a toddler room to avoid the need to share. A toddler has the mindset that everything belongs to them. Once they mature they will be more able to share.
I did not have an issue with teacher comments when my children were in preschool, but when my son was in high school the negative comments got so bad that I finally told the teachers I would not return to parent-teacher conferences, because all they could give me were negatives, and I knew that my son had many positive attributes and school-related behaviors. I think the first t thing a teacher should do in a conference is to ask the parent how they feel their child is doing in the program. Then build on that. (By the way my son got a college degree and is a successful adult!)